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Are we ever really disconnected...

I read an online blog where the writer indicated they felt disconnected. They had gotten away from some of their spiritual practices and felt disconnected. But I got to thinking about it....especially given my personal goal to mold my own paradigm around a holistic concept. Are we EVER really disconnected? Or does our awareness wax and wane? For me, it's related to the same concept that Divinity is revealed as we become more capable vessels for receiving the energy, but that we begin as a vessel.

I've often said the same thing....I feel disconnected. It's a very tangible feeling. I just wonder if the actual mechanism behind that feeling is something completely different.


The coming of Autumn

As I get older Autumn seems to become a more and more significant time in my life for change, usually on the personal level. With each passing year I seem to embrace the change of the season with a renewed sense of self that sometimes gets lost in the amount of time I devote to loved ones and other interests. This year in particular feels very powerful, and I know that recent changes I have made in my personal life have precipitated this feeling. When I say powerful, I mean a healthy dose of self-empowerment.

This past year, I have focused on the energy of Geburah (Power, Severity on the Tree of Life) to not only learn to be comfortable with anger (note: not accepting of it, just able to deal with it) and to balance my more Chesedic or compassionate nature. I learned, intellectually at least, a long time ago that compassion is sometimes doing something that may not seem like compassion but truly is, as ultimately the goal is facilitate progress toward embracing Divinity.

But the most important achievement is the discipline that has come with this exploration. I stick to my guns more, but still deliver with as much compassion as possible. To me, this is about staying true to myself. I don't have to give up a compassionate delivery, in most cases, to make a point or to stand firm.

On the other hand, Geburah is about dissolution, so I have learned to let things go, to understand my own boundaries and limitations, while facilitating new growth and direction. I know I have a long way to go, but I think that will always be the case the further down this road I travel.

Em Hotep.

I need a job!

I out of work as of Friday, and need something quick! I have interviewed with Temp Systems, and told them I would be available next Monday. I'm probably going to try a couple of temp agencies.

I'm going to apply online tonight with Ed Financial, and a couple of other local places. Send good Mojo my way.

Hoping to see the grandbaby this weekend, and maybe even my own brat!

Thank Aset for guidance, because I'm running completely on faith these days.


Oddly Enough

So once again, I find myself in one of those positions where someone who was hostile to me has made a complete turn-about, and once again, the initial hostility was due to another's interference.

I am not sure why or how I inspire such circumstances. I know that it has paid off to remove myself from such situations, and let others come to their own conclusions, eventually.

Honestly, I should have 'sucker' tattooed on my forehead, because I find it hard to dislike anyone for any length of time. At some point, I start analyzing why someone is the way they are, and find some point of compassion to access. Which is also to say, that if I don't have compassion for someone it is because I simply cannot find a redeemable quality.

I have, however, been working on the Pillar of Severity (Kabbalah) to balance out this wanton need for diplomacy in all matters. I know that I am also a warrior, but I've always maintained the Lao Tze adage "Go to war as if you are going to a brother's funeral". I am learning to say what I think even when it might offend, IF I truly feel that way, and have no personal, moral or ethical question regarding my stance. It's finding that balance between standing up for what you believe and inciting conflict.

On a much different note, I went to see my Mamaw. She's beautiful, even at 95, but her kidney's are failing, and so it won't be long until she passes over. She knows this, but I'm just so thankful to the Goddess that I got to spend some time with her, and that I got to let her know how much she means to me, and how much I love her. She's the Matriarch of our family, and that will pass to my Mother when she leaves this world. If I could be 1/10 of the woman my Mamaw is, I would be blessed.

Peace Out!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all Mom's!


Isis Isis, Ra Ra

Yippee. I got see my grandbaby this week. She is absolutely beautiful...I mean truly gorgeous, and no I'm not just prejudiced, I'm an expert in beautiful babies, having had one myself! LOL!

She doesn't know a stranger, smiles, laughs, and you hardly ever hear her make a fuss, unless it's time for her bath, and she knows. She loves her bath, and I guess dinner time is just too long when it's close to bath time.

I went to Hancock fabrics and picked up some beads and yarn, and fabric with a lovely Egyptian print that I am going to actually frame.

It's very, very hard to stay in the pagan community sometimes...the ratio of assholes to genuine people is quite tight. However, I do feel called to a service, and sometimes, it really is necessary to refine your life activities to those things that are truly important. I was supposed to travel to Georgia for a Beltaine festival, but alas, gas is just too expensive to make that long of a trip, not to mention the wear and tear on my already aging car.

I have a new Tarot deck that I am really enjoying. It was a lovely gift from a very thoughtful friend. It's the Pagan Tarot. Some of the imagery is not quite what I am used to, but it seems to relate quite well to my personal readings and experience.

"Never put off tomorrow what you can do today, unless you wish you had done it yesterday, and if so, then just forget it"


Still Looking

Well - I keep having opportunities arise, but not come to fruition. I am supposed to have an interview upcoming for a company in Oak Ridge, but some of their programmer's quit, so they are going to fill those positions first! My head-hunter is really looking hard for me, and I had another inquiry today from another contract service company asking me if I was still looking. So...the energy is obviously moving in the right direction. I am just going to have to be patient, which I have learned to be over the years. If this does work out, I am going to seek custody of my grandbaby, unless the kids have are on their feet enough to assume custody of her again. I do not like the way she is being raised. She's being cared for, and there's no worry about anything bad happening to her, but the aunt and I have very different philosophies on how to care for babies, and just how much love and attention they need, and is okay to give them. I don't want to elaborate because I get depressed if I think about it.

The workshops are just about full for the PPD, and I'm very excited about the different types of activities that are lining up. The Cosmic Cafe is coming up at the Lost Savant, and I have a couple of performers lined up for that. I would also like to have a few folks do some poetry.

I love playing gigs at Carpe Librum, because we get book certificates, and I was finally able to 'buy' a new book - something I have been unable to afford for quite some time. Gosh - but that felt great!

Peace Out!


Well - now it looks like I'm not going to get the interview with Ed Financial. They found another candidate that actually has experience using their development tools. ALthough I've used something similar, they prefer someone who has experience with those tools. What a pity, because I can learn anything. that should be evident by the fact that I don't have a degree in the software testing field, but have managed to work in that field for 10 years.

However, I have an interview next week for a company in Oak Ridge who has a government contract. I'm keeping my fingers crossed on that one. The scary thing about that one is that it starts out contract, and I don't want to leave this job just to lose another job. I simply cannot afford it. I may not have the skills required for this job anyway.

Oh well - the right thing will come along eventually.

I am desperately looking for a roommate, as this would alleviate some of my financial stress. I would prefer a single woman my age, of pagan orientation...If you know of anyone, please let me know!

Peace out.

The Lost Savant

If you're looking for a mellow place to hang out this evening, a good cup of coffee or tea, or just a little place to get some dessert after a romantic dinner, please join me at the Lost Savant. I'll be playing around 7:00 p.m.

I'll try very hard to throw in some romantic songs.

Peace Out!

Hoping for good things

I should have a face-to-face interview next week sometime. I REALLY need this job. As much as I am used to being poor, I don't much enjoy it, especially when I feel like the job I am at does not even use .01 of my brain power.

I am hoping to have my grandbaby for the last weekend of the month, which is the busiest freakin' weekend, but my sister will be in town, and I know she will want to see the baby. I have the Psychic Health Fair on Saturday and a gig on Sunday. I guess what I will do is bring my chili in early, spend some time with my sister and grandbaby, AND then come back in time to do my presentation. I am still working on my paper - I keep adding stuff to it, and then editing it. I have a tendency to be longwinded if you haven't noticed!

Peace Out!